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Wednesday 4 January 2017

Qu'est-ce que c'est? (The full story)

Happy New Year everybody.  So the fun continues.  2016 was pretty sparse blogwise.  It's unlikely to improve to be honest but I might signpost my entries a bit more so there'll be no need for you to check for updates every day.  Ha ha!  

This nonsense has now been going on for 10 years by the way.  I must have wasted 100's of hours  (was going to say 1000's but I've been told a million times ............) talking to myself.  Not always but I suspect plenty.  Anyway, if you want to take a trip down how the world of Goffa looked 10 years ago, pre-Tory government, pre-Brexit, pre-Boro Europa Cup Final, relegation and promotion etc. etc.  here's your chance.

I'd forgotten my last post was a pre-Brexit prediction.  Ouch!  I'm more bothered with the result than I thought I would be.  And since then what about Donald Trump winning?  It made our Brexit result seem eminently sensible.  Who knows it might turn out ok or maybe not (Brexit not Trump).

Anyway all that talk of Brexit leads nicely to the reason for this post (really).  I recorded a song for my old friend Richard Sanderson and his all welcome annual Christmas compilation album on his esteemed Netlabel (and more), Linnear Obsessional Recordings.  The album, Utterances  is available to stream and/or download for free, all 112 songs of exactly 2 minutes of it.  So if you've got a spare 224 minutes fill your boots.  Seriously though lots of it is brill pop music and you should give at least some of it a go.  Sadly my song is languishing down with the dead men at number 95 so not much chance of  anybody stumbling upon onto it. Even less chance of them wondering what it's about and downloading the PDF booklet with the album to view my old friend Dave Pye's wonderful illustrations and my narrative

It's a shame really because in my humble self-centered opinion the story deserves to be heard.  So by popular demand I give you  .......


and here are Dave's cartoons and the true story of Que ce que c'est, so help me God.



This is a true story which I want to tell before it becomes too distant in my memory to trust or to recall. 

It is set in Springfield Comprehensive School in Middlesbrough in the spring of 1973 when I was 11 years old.  I think it was a fairly tough but generally well disciplined school.  At least our class, 1A1 usually was.  
  
We were being taught French by Mr Cahier, a native French speaker. Mr Notebook now sounds unlikely but that’s how I remember it.  The desks were set out in rows either side of the room and Cahier was teaching from the channel down the middle. I was sat on the front row on the right hand side as you walked into the class and the unfolding drama took place directly in front of me. You can therefore trust this is an accurate description of the events that  took place. 

To fit the setting I am now going to switch to present tense and adopt the classic school play format. 

The main characters are of course Cahier plus 2 kids in the class Paul Pearson (Peo) and John Scanlon (Scan).  The rest of the class are watching on.
  
So Cahier is using the écouter/ répété method of teaching us how to say Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Cahier - Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Class - Qu'est-ce que c'est? 

Cahier - Bon, qu'est-ce que c'est?

Class -Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Cahier - Tres bon, Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Class - Qu'est-ce que c'est? (with a lone voice pronouncing it Qu'a-ce que c'est?)

Cahier - Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Class - Qu'est-ce que c'est? (again with a lone voice pronouncing it Qu'a-ce que c'est?) 

Cahier calmly hones in on Peo.  Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Peo (only) - Qu'a-ce que c'est?

Cahier - Non, qu'est-ce que c'est?

Peo - Qu'a-ce que c'est?

Cahier -  (starting to get a bit agitated but still calm) - Non, qu'est-ce que c'est?

Peo - Qu'a-ce que c'est?

Rest of Class - muffled laughter

Cahier (more agitated but still calm) - Non.  Qu'est ce

Peo - Qu'est ce

Cahier - Que

Peo - Que

Cahier - C'est?

Peo - C’est?

Cahier - (feel much better.  He thinks he's nailed it) - Tres bon.  Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Peo - Qu'a-ce que c'est?

Class - Roar with laughter

Cahier (now raging) - Throws a punch at Peo who sways out of the way and the punch lands on the side on John Scanlon’s nose.

Class - Stunned silence.  A few of the class console the now bloody-nosed Scan as they exit the classroom.    

The End

Footnote

As I said a true story.  It was so strange because from memory Cahier hadn't previously shown any psychopathic tendencies.  You might wonder what happened to him?  He was never seen at Springfield again but alas apart from that we never found out.  









































Me and Dave Pye (who provided the wonderful illustrations below ) are Kendo.  Thank you for indulging us.

More later?  Maybe.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Geoff,
    I faintly remember my senior school days at St Anthonys, it must be old age ��
    Hope your doing well.
    Mark Green

    ReplyDelete